Thank God, I am Sister Zhang Duoduo from Beijing Xiaoying High-Tech of Rich in Christ Church. I am 50 years old this year. Thank God for leading me to confess and repent through His servant Pastor Rich Wang. God supernaturally healed my severe depression and panic disorder. Thank God for giving me the opportunity to bear glorious testimony of His healing of my body, mind and soul.

Sudden illness, unable to save myself

In 2013, I suffered from severe depression due to the breakdown of my marriage and my son's congenital deafness. At that time, my husband left without saying goodbye with all the savings in the family, leaving me penniless and jobless with a severely disabled child. During the three months he was away from home, he sent messages every two days to force me to sign a divorce. Because of the sudden and strong stimulation, I fell into extreme disappointment in life and extreme fear of the future. That was the darkest period of my life. My brain nerves were in a highly excited state, and I kept thinking about the same question every day, "Why did this happen to me? What should I do?" Every day, I search for answers in anxiety uncontrollably. My brain often runs at high speed, imagining all kinds of harm that will happen to me and my child in the future. Then, I try hard to prepare various defense methods without loopholes in advance. These uncontrolled fantasies also make me full of fear of the surrounding environment. I am always worried that myself and my child will be accidentally hurt again. I am always ready to take a defensive posture like a frightened bird. Every nerve in my brain is always in a highly tense state, ready to protect myself and my child at any time. The insecurity brought by these chaotic fantasies not only makes my behavior abnormal but also brings me more despair. I feel that no matter how many defense measures I can imagine, they all point to the same result: only death is the only relief and safety. So, I started to study how to die with my son. I used to look for ways to end the pain. I want to take my child away from this world that brings us great pain.

In this way, for 3 months, I had no appetite, no sleep, could not walk out of my room, could not open the curtains, could not see the sun, and my whole body became thin and haggard rapidly until I became emaciated. I was 162cm tall and weighed less than 80 kilograms. At that time, affected by the disease and insomnia, I was dizzy all day long. I rarely looked in the mirror when washing, but I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror at all. My brain nerves were affected and I could no longer form coherent thoughts, let alone express myself normally, so I often had to remain silent. My recognition ability was abnormal. When it was serious, I could not judge the meaning of the traffic lights when standing at the intersection. My external behavior was also abnormal. I was full of insecurity about the surrounding environment and always wanted to guard against sudden attacks from all directions. My actions were defensive, and my posture was as stiff and unstretched as if I was ready to escape or resist an attack at any time. Later, my family discovered my abnormality and sent me to the Sixth Hospital of Peking University for examination. The examination results were: severe depression with severe suicidal tendencies.

My family members were in pain and self-blame when they heard the doctor's diagnosis. They didn't expect that I, who had a cheerful and sunny personality since childhood, had silently endured great pain to this extent. At that time, I was numb. When I heard the doctor say how serious my condition was, I felt as if it had nothing to do with me. I thought to myself, am I closer to death? At that time, the doctor prescribed antidepressants for me and suggested that my family change my living environment and arrange for someone to accompany and supervise me, and to ensure that I take the medicine on time. Considering the side effects of antidepressants and my belief in my perseverance, I did not accept this suggestion. In order to recover my health, I tried hard to divert my attention, trying not to think about the various environments I was facing, not to think about how to commit suicide, and not to think about the future.

Two months have passed. From the outside, I did not commit suicide, did not cry or make a fuss, and was very calm, but I knew that my depression had not been alleviated. Instead, the panic disorder I had since childhood also disturbed me. When I thought about my future life, I was so scared that I couldn't stand when I heard the notification tone of my husband's text message. My heartbeat accelerated and I felt like it was going to explode. Once I almost fainted in the subway station. I didn't know where to go to relieve the pressure in my heart. I could only wait silently for the final collapse.

God's call, bring the prodigal son home

One day, I was staring blankly at the sky outside the window, and suddenly I heard a voice: go find a church. This was the first time I heard God's voice clearly, which reminded me that I had not attended Sunday gatherings for half a year. In this way, God brought me and my son back to Himself from the brink of death in His own way. At that time, I found a church as quickly as possible, quickly resumed fellowship and Sunday gatherings, and was baptized and converted to the Lord. The love of brothers and sisters warmed my heart. Seeing that many people had similar experiences, I felt that I had finally found a place to confide my inner pain and found comfort in it. However, gradually, I found that I was still confused and could not find the answer to the question, "Why did this happen to me? What should I do?" Because there was no answer and no solution, I still did not dare to think about the future, and my heart was still full of worries.

In September 2015, because of the hope that my son's deafness would be healed, God led me to participate in the "Healing and Revival" Beijing Special Conference of Rich in Christ Church, and I met Pastor Rich Wang. Because God healed my son's congenital deafness through his service, and gave me a job to help me get out of the difficult life, I began to accept the service and followed God through His servant Pastor Rich Wang to walk the path of confession and repentance in Rich in Christ Church. During Pastor Wang's pastoral care and confession service for several years, I continued to accept the teachings of the truth and finally began to slowly find the answer I had been looking for. God spent several years renewing my life, expanding my realm, and adjusting my perspective on life, so that I changed from being obsessed with studying why I was hurt by others to using an "endoscopic view" to see the real me.

Confess and repent, walk out of darkness

In confession services, the Holy Spirit illuminated my true thoughts and ideas in my past life, allowing me to see the pride, willfulness, calculation, competition, laziness and dependence hidden in my heart. Through the teaching of God's servant Pastor Rich Wang, God made me know that I am not the most unlucky person in the world as I thought, but an innocent person who was oppressed and trampled by the world. God made me go through all this to make me understand that I am really a sinner, a person who must truly repent from my thoughts and ideas before God. What I am facing is not the bullying of others, but God telling me through the environment: You must repent. It is amazing that after coming to Rich in Christ Christian Church, God made me rarely think about death, but made me still obsessed with figuring out "Why did I encounter this?" Thank God for constantly showing me the sins of pride, calculation, worshiping family members as idols, etc. in the process of accepting confession services, and leading me to learn to repent in confession services again and again. At the beginning, I had no awareness of sinning. Later, the Holy Spirit would immediately rebuke me when I sinned. Later, when I wanted to sin, the Holy Spirit would remind me not to do it. God saved me from the snare of sin step by step, and adjusted my perspective on others and myself. God made me change from a person who saw the faults of others first to a person who first examined and repented when encountering something. However, the question of how to forgive those who hurt me still bothered me. When I thought of the time when I was hurt and almost died by the person I loved the most, I couldn't let it go. I even couldn't help but fall into anger, accusations, and self-abasement and self-pity when I thought of that person. For many years, I didn't understand what forgiveness meant, and I didn't know how to do it. This problem continued until 2020. In the life revelation Bible study led by God through Pastor Rich Wang, I raised a question in [Matthew 6]: Is forgiveness forgotten or forgotten? The pastor answered a lot. When I heard him say, "Leave everything to God to judge. Don't be angry yourself, but let the Lord's wrath go." God suddenly reminded me that forgiveness is not about letting others go, but about letting yourself go. I am also a sinner, and I have hurt others. Since forgiving those who hurt me is obeying God's words, then if I choose to forgive, I will not only be set free but also be rewarded by God. Anyway, God will take care of those who hurt me, so why not live well and wait for the result? At that moment, after that thought, I suddenly found that the hatred for the father of my child was suddenly pulled out, and the previous hurt disappeared from my body as if it had never happened. Thank God! Later, I learned that although Pastor Wang did not serve me specifically for my illness, every confession service led by my co-workers and every communication with the pastor over the years was backed by Pastor Rich Wang's intercession, so I experienced God's supernatural healing of my severe depression and panic disorder. Thank and praise God!

Seeing the sun again, regaining vitality

Now I no longer have insomnia and loss of appetite, my weight has returned to 120 pounds, and I have resumed normal life and interpersonal communication; in 2018, I went to the United States to visit Pastor Rich Wang for the first time. Through the prayers of His servants, God released the supernatural healing anointing of the Holy Spirit, which healed my heart, stomach, liver, and spleen diseases, and made the age spots, warts, butterfly spots, and yellow face on my skin fade away. I am no longer a "yellow-faced woman" and my appearance has become much younger; in 2020, after I came back from visiting Pastor Rich Wang in the United States, God healed my brain nerves through the prayers of His servants, and the supernatural healing anointing released by the Holy Spirit operated in me I can do all kinds of services with ease. Not only do I have sufficient physical strength to adapt to the work of day and night reversal, I don’t feel sleepy even if I only sleep 2-3 hours a day, and my mind is extremely sensitive, even so fast that I can’t imagine it, which has exceeded my state when I was young; God also enables me to handle multiple tasks at the same time, busy but not chaotic;

At the end of 2022, in order to solve a family matter, I was temporarily asked by my family to go out to discuss the solution with others at more than 3 o'clock in the middle of the night. Before I went, I sent a prayer message to Pastor Rich Wang, asking God to control my mouth and not to say words that were not in line with God's will, so that this difficult matter could be solved supernaturally by God. Thank God for giving me agile thinking, clear organization, and clever articulation in the discussion. My expression not only calmed down the two parties who were arguing and almost fighting, but also refuted the three people present to the point that they could not speak at all. The matter was finally resolved peacefully with the help of God. On the way home, my family was very impressed by my ability to respond on the spot. I also testified to them. Can you imagine? A few years ago, I stood at the intersection facing the red light and didn't know whether to go or stop. The next day, I recalled that in this debate that lasted for several hours, God lifted me up in front of a graduate of Harbin Institute of Technology, a master's supervisor of a medical university, and a doctoral student of Peking University. My problem-solving and communication skills on the spot convinced them. This is not something I can do. This is the power of the Holy Spirit in me. Glory to God! Because of this experience, my family saw the transformation work God did in my life. My sister-in-law has an understanding of God's power. She saw with her own eyes how God supported me to walk out of the trough of life. She is also willing to learn more about the God I believe in. My niece also got rid of the bondage of depression because of God's work this time. Now, they are all willing to listen to my testimony to them, and have personally experienced the testimony of selling the house supernaturally and quickly in 1 week through my prayer message to Pastor Rich Wang. Thank God! I believe that His salvation will come to all my family members.

God also healed my behavior. I can now walk anywhere calmly, no longer ready to defend or escape at any time. My chest and hunched back opened up, and my movements were no longer restrained and cramped.

God also healed my panic disorder. In the online divorce lawsuit in 2022, my child's father and I saw each other on video for the first time in many years. This time, I could not only look him in the eye, but also listen to his statement in court and his personal attacks on me calmly. I found that I was calm and had no emotions, because I had sent a prayer message to Pastor Rich Wang before I went. I believe that God will control the whole process. No matter what people say or do, fairness and justice only depend on the God I trust.

Now I am no longer like Xianglin Sao, looking for people to accuse me of the injustice I have encountered, nor do I try to hide my pain and weakness in front of God. I am no longer busy trying to find ways to prevent harm from others or guess the intentions behind others' attitudes. I can face my experience calmly and am willing to share my experience with brothers and sisters in the church. I am willing to use my testimony to help those who are confused to know the God who loves us. Many family members who have heard my testimony and seen me in person said that in my current state, it is impossible to tell that I was once a "severely depressed patient", as if such an experience had never appeared in my life.

Now I know that from the moment I was baptized and received the Holy Spirit, God has given me a brand new life. In Jesus Christ, everything about me is new. The breath of my life is given by God. I don’t live every day for the eyes and attitudes of others, nor for the honor and status in the world. Every moment of my life is lived only for the glory of God. The people and environment I once relied on are changing every moment, and the only thing that remains unchanged is God’s love and protection for me. Only Jesus is my help in times of trouble, and only Jesus can help me through the storms in life and cross to the other side of peace.

Thank God for leading me to Rich in Christ Church, and following God through His servant Pastor Rich Wang on the path of confession, repentance, faith and obedience, which also cured my severe depression and panic disorder. Thank you Pastor Rich Wang for his teaching and service, which shaped me in God's truth and enabled me to find the answer to life. May God bless His faithful servant Pastor Rich Wang, so that his soul will prosper and his body will be strong, so that he can work for the Lord, increase his strength, influence life with life, and lead more lost souls to return to the Lord! All glory, praise, gratitude, and power belong to the Most High God! Amen